While I am laying dead.

Some days are harder to wake up to. You get up with that soggy feeling and mucky eyes; you know the moment you look at ceiling that, thats not the color you wanted to start your day with. The condensed vapor on mirror after morning bath obfuscates any elucidation that you might have had while stepping off from bed. Complacent with life; you step out on soft dry door mat with a urge in head; "How can I get past this one?". But there is never any answer because in the real life; where you need food to survive; ticks of clocks are rigid and fixed. All you can do is stare into something; anything or everything while it passes you by or worse yet, waits indefinitely.

Anyway, I have those days much too frequently now. I have no ambition; no aim and no plan. It's hard to make a man happy who doesn't have an ambition in life; because no matter where he is at or what he has; he is still missing something.

One day I get up with this morbid feeling and the ultimate question and other day I am standing under a shower before I leave home to battle the world. And the days when it isn't so; the ultimate question that I carry with me is "Whats the point of...?". Funny part is; all this question ever needs is a suffix. My instantaneous replies to all requests and question constitute of an answered question starting with "Whats the point of...?"
"Whats the point of all this work man?" and then it moves on to
"Whats the point of all this money?" (To which a more common tart and sarcastic reply that I have often heard from my girlfriend is "Where is all this money that you keep mentioning, I just don't see it." and we laugh it away.)

Anyway, point of all this clamant palavering is, that I am not content. I think for sometime now after long time in my life I hate everything. I have become unsocial. Completely. And I am craving for a liquor sodden week and some solitary! The worst that I have not mentioned is that I just can't seem to make up my mind. About absolutely anything. I mean if I had to decide if I'd like my noodles crispy or soft; I'll just look at the people on the table and ask them; cause although I seem not to care; the bitter reality I can decide.

I had to try so hard to get myself to write a blog because I haven't written one in a long time; but I have no idea what to write about. I am continuously listening to "The Weepies" and I am thinking of a friend whom I am suppose to call and I haven't for 3 weeks now. I think I am just exhausted or maybe thats just another excuse.

My problem is that I just want to pretend to be dead; just like a bird that kept hitting a glass pane again and again, because the stupid physics won't let her out. Only difference between that bird and myself is that for her giving up was not an option; for me I have conveniently chosen that to be so. I think I just want to lay dead for a while now; until some miracle magically resurrects me. And biggest irony about that is, Life wants me to be on my feet right now and that is exactly what keeps killing me.

Well, I still believe "Life's so called atrocities" are just an excuse for laziness and weak determination; cause if you want something you'll get it.

While I have managed to blabber so much and for so long; to end it in perfect harmony here is a small dedication to all those people who feel exactly the same right now.

My Excuse
I am sitting here in a red ferrari
and in front of me, wide open road
but the reason I am moving so slow is
because there is a darn speed limit board!!