An Ode to Bangalore

I stood there agog, awestruck and stunned. A couple was spooning away to glory right on the "epic" Brigade Road junction. At an age of 18, that was akin to penultimate orgasm I could dream of.

Coming from a solitary confinements of school hostel; where bowels and body were issued their own time-tables and routines; it was as intoxicating as it could get under the blue sky. I said to myself, "welcome to the real world my friend".

That was year 2000, I had come a boy; who hailed backstreet boy's millennium album as the greatest thing since Cleopatra. I wore, oiled hair with side partition; thought hideous was the next in-thing for shirt patterns and looked up to Infosys as the greatest company ever born.

With close to 9 and half years in this city; I have had my phases. Best of which; indisputably, was hostel. I joined BMS college in Information Science and Engineering and began one of the greatest journeys of my life.

The Four Eternal Years

In my first year; for first 15 days I was put into a hostel "revered as" MH, a.k.a Main Hostel. It was no plain 3 story building; no sir. A fresher in a MH hostel is like a fly in a Mortein manufacturing plant. Your life depended on "how much of a looser you looked"; because if you didn't, then my friend you were in some serious shit.

The standard dress code, you could spot me in for next one year was; dried grass length hair oiled and left naturally settled. A loose (usually Rs.35 [less than $1] worth) shirt. un-tucked. somtimes unwashed, but what the heck; like I was a chic magnet anyway. rubber slippers. cheap trousers and timex, plastic watch. [it was close to my heart] :)

And while the getup was bad enough; let me tell you my friends; the hideous shirt designs were on a roll. But like I said already; chics ogling at me, wasn't really happening for me those days.

That year taught me all there is to know about:

• Why buffaloes are in groups? Well, because when you are in a group; you don't have to outrun the tiger; you just have to outrun the slowest buffalo. That holds true for ragging.
  
• Why you should always carry protection in your wallet? [Motto was 'be prepared']; you never know when life is gonna get generous and when that happens you might just take it out swiftly and be a hero of the day{or night}; rather than adding more misery to your already desolated face. And yeah, well of course; if you want to enter food-mess, you gotta show it.
  
• What are the best survival tactics? You can either choose to stink or be transparent. Because if you stink; no one wants you near them. Worked for me; wasn't so great for my skin though; but to re-iterate; I didn't need skin until second year so it surely could wait.
  
• What is the best cusine in the world? Anything that costs 10 bucks and stays in stomach till morning without causing havoc. If I were to choose two; my strongest nominees would be "Bun Butter Peanut" and "Bun Cheese Egpuff Sauce". I bet; you haven't got enough imagination to picture that.
• Why Rs. 35 is a perfect amount? Because thats' how much a Romanov Vodka's quarter costs. (or atleast used to cost)
• Why do you always wear loose clothes to movie shop? Because it's easier to smuggle out pirated porn in them.
  

Coming to last point. Here is the deal. I was 18, and been everywhere, including rusty movie theaters of dingy shacks; but I had never had a chance to see a real pornographic movie. You may think I was a late bloomer, but hello? Haven't you been listening? I was locked up in school prison while all of you were dangling baits and making concupiscent mating calls.
But somehow I got off with the impression; no matter what anyone said; they were pretty much as big a looser in those year as I was. So when I bought my first computer; the first thing that was to be played on that 50 grand machine was a real porno. So I mustered all the courage and set forth on my mission to sneak back a cd in hostel. It took me 3 pointless movies and a rustle that sounded like "do you have THAT movie"; to ask for it. The CD shop had been near 1st year hostel for years as it was evident from the fact that without making any sense; the owner pushed across the cd. I placed back rest of the 3 movies on counter and said; i'll hire these later.

But news travels faster than fart in a hostel and so when I reached back my room; there was a procession already in place. People had chips and laddoos out to watch a movie that they all admitted they have seen at least dozen of times. Anyway, when the movie started; i could not believe the faces and snorts everyone gave. It was utterly disgusting. But then, no one wanted to leave.
I distinctly remember the night when geyser was thrown of the first floor; because it wasn't working and then because someone made everyone see sense into the act (actually word consequences would be a more apt fit); people carried it back. That did make Security guard loose his cool for few hours but everyone knew how to deal with him. :)

I had my first opportunity to ask few girls for a dance, in freshers' party. I once again brought my drunken inside out and went up-to few girls to make that "unthinkable" a reality. I danced. There were butterflies in my stomach. And there I met this indian girl studying in singapore. Super hot. Tall; fair and smart. Visiting bangalore for few days, escorted to party by her friend. I was dancing with her; when I asked her (and I still wonder how I did that actually) to go slow dancing with me. All cuddled up. She smiled and said; I think we are doing just fine. Soon after she parked me into one of the corners and picked on some new guy to try her fling. I was water and ran outta there like there was a army of ghosts behind me. :) That was embarassing but memorable. In least it marked a checkpoint in my life.
Soon after I also tried asking a girl out in college on pretentious note of being ragged and forced to go for a movie with her. :) I screwed up no doubt. And it was just filed in my rejection memoirs.

I can probably write a whole book on all the things that happened in first year; but I am kind of in a mortal category. So here is the flashback view like movies. We got beaten up by police; because someone whistled and constables said; "seeti kaun baja raha hai?" (who is playing that whistle). and Sumit De arrogantly replied, "oopar aaye to band baja denge". (If you come up stairs; we'll play you like a band). The countless affairs of all the hostelites with just two girls who lived in opposite house. They were probably just some wanna-be's and yet they would stand in balcony and ogle the boys whole day long. That just motivated Sohail nadeem khuddus to move around in that area topless day after day. Some of them even went up to display their proficient pelvic thrusts.

It used to get crazy in nights. Everyone was humiliated and tortured during the day by seniors; so they had to steam it out somewhere. What place better than your equally miserable batch mates. A water fight that ended in someone peeing on somebody from the floor above. A neighbor calling police; which ended the "same somebody" peeing in his water tank. Sunny singh and Amresh shankars' epic stories of broken windows and jumping fires. It was a mayhem out there people and I mean it. We were slumdogs like no other.

As the year came to end, we were united, cheap, raunchy in least, thick skinned and brutal. One thing that we were not; was "educated" and that was the irony. And I am thankful for the fact for what I did in that year; because otherwise I would have missed the jewel days of my life. We were miserable and it was bliss..

Second year felt as if we were all served holy grail on a silver platter. Swanky watches came out; people were adorning branded accessories and were carrying their attitudes mile above their heads. Juniors were bugs you could squash with eyes closed and life was heaven. Shortly after some people were suspended. Well; that's how shocks of reality arrive. But we sticked together and we managed to shake away the stink and crap. We were some bunch.


Money was always tight; and we were stealing chicken from each other's account in mess. All we could afford was to loiter around in garden behind mess; and hoot and howl to let the passing women know; that there existed a clan; that was poor, lived in shambles and waited to sweep them by their feet. Not to mention; it really didn't seem to work. Ever.

Some were trying their luck on yahoo chats with unseen fair sex and others were ensuring their failure by pretending to be such dreamy dames. I am guilty of doing the same to many in my batch. cute_cindy and shy_sonal_here were few yahoo id's that I had used. We were the baboons of jungle; who wouldn't hunt and wouldn't let anyone hunt. We were a bunch of sadist and it worked perfectly for us; because it has been said wisely; "No women no cry".

I think ours was the happiest batch of all times. In third year; girls hostel came up. Overnight; the wardrobes were replenished; hair were trimmed and styled to perfection. everyone had a new jogging suit and a pair of sneakers and road leading to girls hostel was the fav jogging track. It changed the game plan in all possible way. Buddies of life were competing for scantily clad senoritas; there was blood and greed everywhere. But our habits got better of us and we were shaken off like fly from milk. I think at some point of time in life; we just accepted the fact, that we just were the guys; who would stand a chance for a fling; only if they were gay; and decided to try it out between themselves.

Third year also brought the world of multi-player to us. We were networked and connected. We had pirated downloads streaming day and night. And we were immune to attendance penalties levied by college. Above of all, we were completely nocturnal by now. In-fact our nights were so livid, that we would often see bats hanging outside our windows and learning from us.

Whole night profanities were thrown about the hostel corridors, as gangs of multi-playing harebrained people tried to throw their opponents off the feet. Revving engines of cars, deafening shots of MG-16 and Sniper rifles dominated the alleys of hostel that were made for scholastic pursuing. What rules the night was a group of violent freaks unloading and unleashing fury with Flak canons, redeemer and cheap tactics. It was gory world of Unreal Tournament, Counter Strike and Raghav's NFS (which apparently no-one wanted to play except his chuddy buddy, Vivek goel). I am appalled to say, it was insanity at it's epitome and it was exhilarating and on a mundane day; I would trade my life to have that year back.
Finally came the 4th year, and somewhere along these four years, apart from all the guys from hostel I made really good friends with Shalini, Sharath, Diya, Fathima and Yatesh. We all had such a ball of time. I remember when me, yatesh, sharath, diya and some of her friends sneaked out of hostel for whole night; driving in her car. We went to St. Johns for dance competition; we spent night in leela pool side (illegally) playing truth and dare and finally watching sunrise on Kanakpura road and Sarjapur road. Dancing on road in middle of no where. It was splendid. What a night out.

We had done all sorts of crazy things. I did my bungee jumping. I learned to live with rock music 24X7. In my sleep I used to be wearing headphone and listening to Metallica. And those were some peaceful naps ever.

In third year, I made it to Infosys technologies. There is a funny story between how I got in there. I was walking down to exam hall with Tarik Ahuja, to give the exam and was quite nervous. We both reached the room and realized that there was only one seat empty. Tarik, despite his bloating body; made a lightening move and seated himself with a wide grin which said.. "now you can just fuck off". All hostel guys sat together. I was pissed, because I knew they were gonna take peeks and get through. I sat in a different room all by myself.

Well; we took the paper and as it turned out those guys didn't get through as they were cheating and so their snaps were stapled upside down; on answer sheets so that it doesn't get evaluated and I got through because I was all by myself in diff room. What do you know, crazy ways of life.

Eventually 4th year came to end and so did all my night outs, binge drinking, golgappa chats, crazy nights and everything; that I had taken for granted. I made a final trip to Goa with few friends. The funny thing about Goa is that you feel the booze when you reach the border of that place. And here is the stroke of luck; all the guys I went with; almost no one boozed. Can you believe it? And we chose goa? And I chose them to go with??

I managed a day; but next day I ran out in rain to return with one full Bacardi. I gulped so much of it that I don't rem. how but at some point I was out in city shopping stuff; barefoot; only and only in a small pair of shorts; drenched in rain. It was yet another memorable trip and time.

These 4 years were prime time of my life. I gained so much more than just a degree. And hopeless as it may sound; but thats where the crazy and unpredictable life in Bangalore slowly subsided.

Soon after college I joined Infosys. The first day in Infosys got my jaws to freeze in an awed position. The sprawling campus; the unending luxury. The pomp and the show. It was mind numbing. I had never dreamed such facilities in India. It was a world unknown to me.

In some way I was always trying to find college in Infosys. It was a great stint with nice people. Almost a year swooshed by so fast; that I didn't even know. I lived in a small and dingy one room house with one of the craziest and fussy guys of 21st century. Ankit gupta. We had a slimy blue walled room to ourselves. I earned 11k a month and he was jobless. We connected two computers and played counter strike day after day. We were as good as a housewife and a housewife. We had to clean drainage in bathroom. We cleaned the room. The land-lady was a fussy old grumpy lady; who loved to force he electricity bill down our share. We didn't have any idea; how much it costs in electricity for two computers and one fan. We kept paying a grand after grand.

Eventually he moved to pune in search of greener pastures; I reminiscent the old times and moved to Yatesh's place. And then Hyderabad happened. I went to Hyderabad for Infosys training. I met some real crazy asses there. We all became a bunch big time. The Hussain Sagar lake, the Museum and the fucking cukkoo clock.

The story of the cukkoo clock is so. Some friend of family went to Hyderabad 5 years ago. They saw the clock at 12 in noon. There is a small show in noon. When it strikes 12 o clock; two metal figures come out of clock and do 12 bangs and go in. THATS IT. But the way story traveled in time was; right when clock strikes 12, two kings and their army comes out of the clock; duel each other for a minute and then there are 12 bangs and then trumpets and thats how clock strikes 12. I in fact told strangers there; what was gonna happen. And when 12 struck; we saw 12 gongs and we waited for 15 minutes before we realized what a stupid farce it was. It was disappointingly hilarious and we never got over it.

I was earning money; learning stuff; living in a nice hotel for 2 months. Life was surprisingly pleasant. The undies used to hang from Wall lamps and Air Conditioner duct knobs; but we were crazy and we were on a roll.

We had awesome time in water park; especially when I missed my ride and got abandoned in middle of the water slide tube. While I stood there contemplating my next move; people came in one after another knocking me off my feet. I eventually ran for my life; with another guy chasing me from behind. It was embarrassing and it was amazing. The best place that ever happened to me was Ramoji film city. Because I didn't take Radina for a ride. She made my next 6 years a hell; because I didn't keep my promise. And till today; if you mention Ramoji Film city; she has only one thing to say. "I never get to go on those rides". And I guess it was a good thing to happen.

14 months in Infosys and I was out. Leaving Infosys was a tormenting decision for me. And yet I somehow consider it as one of the best ones. Nothing against Infosys. It's a great company which took the shareholder's value to next level and leveraged India's reputation as outsourcing hub; but it just isn't the place to be; if you want stimulating work and challenging environment. There is a simple rule you need to know; if you don't come to office feeling dumb because of all the smart people around you; then you are not learning enough or using your potential to it's peak. To be somewhere you have to be in a place; where you feel outsmarted and dumb. That is the truth. And so; that wasn't a place to be for me.

I also spent several years living with Yatesh. He is a meticulous person with an aim and a plan. I am quite the opposite; but we get along very well. I specifically remember the Goa Trip we made. One helluva trip. We were just lazing around in bed on a lazy weekend; he asked so where do you want to go. (In context, movie, lunch or what?). I said Goa. We had some crazy exchange of glance and 2 hours we were on road all packed and ready. It was a 12 -14 hour drive. With a overnight stop at Hubli; we cruised our way through some really picturesque landscape directly onto Goa beach next morning 10 o clock. And thus our drinking spree began. It was out of this world. One of the greatest and most random trip that I ever did. Life Changing.

My next company was Tavant. It was crazy the way I was recruited after months of wait; but it was eventually worth it. Right on the first day; I came out of the culture of 40 thousand people. It was a small office; with just the right culture. You had to be on your toes. you didn't have crowd to compete; you had brains to race against and thats what instigated me to strive day after day. Radina and Sabeeha were the only friends from Infosys I stayed in touch with; everyone else; decided it was time to revamp their social networks!

By this time I effectively had a small social circle and more focused professional life. I did lot of things to start with in Tavant; but my real and first love came with Thermoking. I may do whatever in my life; but that project will always be close to my heart. I had some excellent people to work with. I did night outs after night outs. Myself, Vamshi Krishna Gunda in dev and Manjunath Nandkumar in QA. It was best stint ever, at anything. It gave me so much of self confidence and morale boost that I just cannot express. Everyday was a challange and I came office everyday with so much energy. In fact I remember days when in morning I just couldn't sleep because I felt like going to office.

I have very often walked in on 4th floor of brigade court at 6:30 am. The eerie darkness and the absolute silence is just on the contrary of how floor looks by the day end; but it gave my head such a weird kind of calmness. It just let me feel; I was in control. It was amazing. really.

On the other hand; I had absolutely wild times in Purple Haze with Monik and other friends. There were times; where we would walk down in a sunny afternoon of a working day; roll down some shots and come back to office with tripled zest and vigor and resume our world conquest. Purple Haze and Brigade court terrace at midnight were stimulating peaks of mental retreat.

Thermoking also gave me an opportunity to explore Ireland for few days. Until I randomly decided to cut the trip short and come back sooner than planned. Things you do in life. But I guess; all for good reasons.

I had a streaks of projects thereafter, Club Car and Hussmann. Both of them with so much of challenge and so much to learn. During there 5 years; I worked with some of the most hard working and smart people I have known. By the end of these years; I had made so many amazing friends. The lines of hierarchy were just lost in the starting years. Prashant, Ramalaksmi, Chida, Smita, Manju, Alokesh, Monik.. these are just to name a few.

I spent few months in US, and I spent years gossiping in Tavant cafeteria. Mostly cribbing. The sessions with Chida, Manju, smita and Ramalakshmi were unsurpassable. I was so comfortable in my surroundings that thought of leaving was kind of alien to me. But eventually things come to an end for reasons good or bad.

And here I am now; an employee of Thoughtworks. I have come to respect the culture, people and brand of Thoughtworks so much; that even though, now that I am an employee I am still awed by so many things it represents. Primary one being the "social responsibility". The effort it takes to ensure that all that it does in this world; is for good. I actually feel out-witted by the talent that is present all around me. I am really happy to be where I am today; and I hope I make best of this oppurtunity.

Now that the time has come to move from Bangalore; where I have spent 1/3 of my life till now; the thing that hurts most is that even after so many years; there really aren't too many people to say good bye to. But yes, Bangalore has been a city that made me grow up and taught me all the things I needed to know about growing up. It's been a splendid ride of 9 and half years and I hope that wherever I maybe; I always remember the time I spent in this city and all the people I met here.

Sometimes, when you walk away after years of learning and living; heart is heavier than the luggage and that's how it is for me right now.

Here is a cheer to a city; that gave it all. Namma Benguluru. (Ninage Kannada Gottu)