An Ode to Bangalore

I stood there agog, awestruck and stunned. A couple was spooning away to glory right on the "epic" Brigade Road junction. At an age of 18, that was akin to penultimate orgasm I could dream of.

Coming from a solitary confinements of school hostel; where bowels and body were issued their own time-tables and routines; it was as intoxicating as it could get under the blue sky. I said to myself, "welcome to the real world my friend".

That was year 2000, I had come a boy; who hailed backstreet boy's millennium album as the greatest thing since Cleopatra. I wore, oiled hair with side partition; thought hideous was the next in-thing for shirt patterns and looked up to Infosys as the greatest company ever born.

With close to 9 and half years in this city; I have had my phases. Best of which; indisputably, was hostel. I joined BMS college in Information Science and Engineering and began one of the greatest journeys of my life.

The Four Eternal Years

In my first year; for first 15 days I was put into a hostel "revered as" MH, a.k.a Main Hostel. It was no plain 3 story building; no sir. A fresher in a MH hostel is like a fly in a Mortein manufacturing plant. Your life depended on "how much of a looser you looked"; because if you didn't, then my friend you were in some serious shit.

The standard dress code, you could spot me in for next one year was; dried grass length hair oiled and left naturally settled. A loose (usually Rs.35 [less than $1] worth) shirt. un-tucked. somtimes unwashed, but what the heck; like I was a chic magnet anyway. rubber slippers. cheap trousers and timex, plastic watch. [it was close to my heart] :)

And while the getup was bad enough; let me tell you my friends; the hideous shirt designs were on a roll. But like I said already; chics ogling at me, wasn't really happening for me those days.

That year taught me all there is to know about:

• Why buffaloes are in groups? Well, because when you are in a group; you don't have to outrun the tiger; you just have to outrun the slowest buffalo. That holds true for ragging.
  
• Why you should always carry protection in your wallet? [Motto was 'be prepared']; you never know when life is gonna get generous and when that happens you might just take it out swiftly and be a hero of the day{or night}; rather than adding more misery to your already desolated face. And yeah, well of course; if you want to enter food-mess, you gotta show it.
  
• What are the best survival tactics? You can either choose to stink or be transparent. Because if you stink; no one wants you near them. Worked for me; wasn't so great for my skin though; but to re-iterate; I didn't need skin until second year so it surely could wait.
  
• What is the best cusine in the world? Anything that costs 10 bucks and stays in stomach till morning without causing havoc. If I were to choose two; my strongest nominees would be "Bun Butter Peanut" and "Bun Cheese Egpuff Sauce". I bet; you haven't got enough imagination to picture that.
• Why Rs. 35 is a perfect amount? Because thats' how much a Romanov Vodka's quarter costs. (or atleast used to cost)
• Why do you always wear loose clothes to movie shop? Because it's easier to smuggle out pirated porn in them.
  

Coming to last point. Here is the deal. I was 18, and been everywhere, including rusty movie theaters of dingy shacks; but I had never had a chance to see a real pornographic movie. You may think I was a late bloomer, but hello? Haven't you been listening? I was locked up in school prison while all of you were dangling baits and making concupiscent mating calls.
But somehow I got off with the impression; no matter what anyone said; they were pretty much as big a looser in those year as I was. So when I bought my first computer; the first thing that was to be played on that 50 grand machine was a real porno. So I mustered all the courage and set forth on my mission to sneak back a cd in hostel. It took me 3 pointless movies and a rustle that sounded like "do you have THAT movie"; to ask for it. The CD shop had been near 1st year hostel for years as it was evident from the fact that without making any sense; the owner pushed across the cd. I placed back rest of the 3 movies on counter and said; i'll hire these later.

But news travels faster than fart in a hostel and so when I reached back my room; there was a procession already in place. People had chips and laddoos out to watch a movie that they all admitted they have seen at least dozen of times. Anyway, when the movie started; i could not believe the faces and snorts everyone gave. It was utterly disgusting. But then, no one wanted to leave.
I distinctly remember the night when geyser was thrown of the first floor; because it wasn't working and then because someone made everyone see sense into the act (actually word consequences would be a more apt fit); people carried it back. That did make Security guard loose his cool for few hours but everyone knew how to deal with him. :)

I had my first opportunity to ask few girls for a dance, in freshers' party. I once again brought my drunken inside out and went up-to few girls to make that "unthinkable" a reality. I danced. There were butterflies in my stomach. And there I met this indian girl studying in singapore. Super hot. Tall; fair and smart. Visiting bangalore for few days, escorted to party by her friend. I was dancing with her; when I asked her (and I still wonder how I did that actually) to go slow dancing with me. All cuddled up. She smiled and said; I think we are doing just fine. Soon after she parked me into one of the corners and picked on some new guy to try her fling. I was water and ran outta there like there was a army of ghosts behind me. :) That was embarassing but memorable. In least it marked a checkpoint in my life.
Soon after I also tried asking a girl out in college on pretentious note of being ragged and forced to go for a movie with her. :) I screwed up no doubt. And it was just filed in my rejection memoirs.

I can probably write a whole book on all the things that happened in first year; but I am kind of in a mortal category. So here is the flashback view like movies. We got beaten up by police; because someone whistled and constables said; "seeti kaun baja raha hai?" (who is playing that whistle). and Sumit De arrogantly replied, "oopar aaye to band baja denge". (If you come up stairs; we'll play you like a band). The countless affairs of all the hostelites with just two girls who lived in opposite house. They were probably just some wanna-be's and yet they would stand in balcony and ogle the boys whole day long. That just motivated Sohail nadeem khuddus to move around in that area topless day after day. Some of them even went up to display their proficient pelvic thrusts.

It used to get crazy in nights. Everyone was humiliated and tortured during the day by seniors; so they had to steam it out somewhere. What place better than your equally miserable batch mates. A water fight that ended in someone peeing on somebody from the floor above. A neighbor calling police; which ended the "same somebody" peeing in his water tank. Sunny singh and Amresh shankars' epic stories of broken windows and jumping fires. It was a mayhem out there people and I mean it. We were slumdogs like no other.

As the year came to end, we were united, cheap, raunchy in least, thick skinned and brutal. One thing that we were not; was "educated" and that was the irony. And I am thankful for the fact for what I did in that year; because otherwise I would have missed the jewel days of my life. We were miserable and it was bliss..

Second year felt as if we were all served holy grail on a silver platter. Swanky watches came out; people were adorning branded accessories and were carrying their attitudes mile above their heads. Juniors were bugs you could squash with eyes closed and life was heaven. Shortly after some people were suspended. Well; that's how shocks of reality arrive. But we sticked together and we managed to shake away the stink and crap. We were some bunch.


Money was always tight; and we were stealing chicken from each other's account in mess. All we could afford was to loiter around in garden behind mess; and hoot and howl to let the passing women know; that there existed a clan; that was poor, lived in shambles and waited to sweep them by their feet. Not to mention; it really didn't seem to work. Ever.

Some were trying their luck on yahoo chats with unseen fair sex and others were ensuring their failure by pretending to be such dreamy dames. I am guilty of doing the same to many in my batch. cute_cindy and shy_sonal_here were few yahoo id's that I had used. We were the baboons of jungle; who wouldn't hunt and wouldn't let anyone hunt. We were a bunch of sadist and it worked perfectly for us; because it has been said wisely; "No women no cry".

I think ours was the happiest batch of all times. In third year; girls hostel came up. Overnight; the wardrobes were replenished; hair were trimmed and styled to perfection. everyone had a new jogging suit and a pair of sneakers and road leading to girls hostel was the fav jogging track. It changed the game plan in all possible way. Buddies of life were competing for scantily clad senoritas; there was blood and greed everywhere. But our habits got better of us and we were shaken off like fly from milk. I think at some point of time in life; we just accepted the fact, that we just were the guys; who would stand a chance for a fling; only if they were gay; and decided to try it out between themselves.

Third year also brought the world of multi-player to us. We were networked and connected. We had pirated downloads streaming day and night. And we were immune to attendance penalties levied by college. Above of all, we were completely nocturnal by now. In-fact our nights were so livid, that we would often see bats hanging outside our windows and learning from us.

Whole night profanities were thrown about the hostel corridors, as gangs of multi-playing harebrained people tried to throw their opponents off the feet. Revving engines of cars, deafening shots of MG-16 and Sniper rifles dominated the alleys of hostel that were made for scholastic pursuing. What rules the night was a group of violent freaks unloading and unleashing fury with Flak canons, redeemer and cheap tactics. It was gory world of Unreal Tournament, Counter Strike and Raghav's NFS (which apparently no-one wanted to play except his chuddy buddy, Vivek goel). I am appalled to say, it was insanity at it's epitome and it was exhilarating and on a mundane day; I would trade my life to have that year back.
Finally came the 4th year, and somewhere along these four years, apart from all the guys from hostel I made really good friends with Shalini, Sharath, Diya, Fathima and Yatesh. We all had such a ball of time. I remember when me, yatesh, sharath, diya and some of her friends sneaked out of hostel for whole night; driving in her car. We went to St. Johns for dance competition; we spent night in leela pool side (illegally) playing truth and dare and finally watching sunrise on Kanakpura road and Sarjapur road. Dancing on road in middle of no where. It was splendid. What a night out.

We had done all sorts of crazy things. I did my bungee jumping. I learned to live with rock music 24X7. In my sleep I used to be wearing headphone and listening to Metallica. And those were some peaceful naps ever.

In third year, I made it to Infosys technologies. There is a funny story between how I got in there. I was walking down to exam hall with Tarik Ahuja, to give the exam and was quite nervous. We both reached the room and realized that there was only one seat empty. Tarik, despite his bloating body; made a lightening move and seated himself with a wide grin which said.. "now you can just fuck off". All hostel guys sat together. I was pissed, because I knew they were gonna take peeks and get through. I sat in a different room all by myself.

Well; we took the paper and as it turned out those guys didn't get through as they were cheating and so their snaps were stapled upside down; on answer sheets so that it doesn't get evaluated and I got through because I was all by myself in diff room. What do you know, crazy ways of life.

Eventually 4th year came to end and so did all my night outs, binge drinking, golgappa chats, crazy nights and everything; that I had taken for granted. I made a final trip to Goa with few friends. The funny thing about Goa is that you feel the booze when you reach the border of that place. And here is the stroke of luck; all the guys I went with; almost no one boozed. Can you believe it? And we chose goa? And I chose them to go with??

I managed a day; but next day I ran out in rain to return with one full Bacardi. I gulped so much of it that I don't rem. how but at some point I was out in city shopping stuff; barefoot; only and only in a small pair of shorts; drenched in rain. It was yet another memorable trip and time.

These 4 years were prime time of my life. I gained so much more than just a degree. And hopeless as it may sound; but thats where the crazy and unpredictable life in Bangalore slowly subsided.

Soon after college I joined Infosys. The first day in Infosys got my jaws to freeze in an awed position. The sprawling campus; the unending luxury. The pomp and the show. It was mind numbing. I had never dreamed such facilities in India. It was a world unknown to me.

In some way I was always trying to find college in Infosys. It was a great stint with nice people. Almost a year swooshed by so fast; that I didn't even know. I lived in a small and dingy one room house with one of the craziest and fussy guys of 21st century. Ankit gupta. We had a slimy blue walled room to ourselves. I earned 11k a month and he was jobless. We connected two computers and played counter strike day after day. We were as good as a housewife and a housewife. We had to clean drainage in bathroom. We cleaned the room. The land-lady was a fussy old grumpy lady; who loved to force he electricity bill down our share. We didn't have any idea; how much it costs in electricity for two computers and one fan. We kept paying a grand after grand.

Eventually he moved to pune in search of greener pastures; I reminiscent the old times and moved to Yatesh's place. And then Hyderabad happened. I went to Hyderabad for Infosys training. I met some real crazy asses there. We all became a bunch big time. The Hussain Sagar lake, the Museum and the fucking cukkoo clock.

The story of the cukkoo clock is so. Some friend of family went to Hyderabad 5 years ago. They saw the clock at 12 in noon. There is a small show in noon. When it strikes 12 o clock; two metal figures come out of clock and do 12 bangs and go in. THATS IT. But the way story traveled in time was; right when clock strikes 12, two kings and their army comes out of the clock; duel each other for a minute and then there are 12 bangs and then trumpets and thats how clock strikes 12. I in fact told strangers there; what was gonna happen. And when 12 struck; we saw 12 gongs and we waited for 15 minutes before we realized what a stupid farce it was. It was disappointingly hilarious and we never got over it.

I was earning money; learning stuff; living in a nice hotel for 2 months. Life was surprisingly pleasant. The undies used to hang from Wall lamps and Air Conditioner duct knobs; but we were crazy and we were on a roll.

We had awesome time in water park; especially when I missed my ride and got abandoned in middle of the water slide tube. While I stood there contemplating my next move; people came in one after another knocking me off my feet. I eventually ran for my life; with another guy chasing me from behind. It was embarrassing and it was amazing. The best place that ever happened to me was Ramoji film city. Because I didn't take Radina for a ride. She made my next 6 years a hell; because I didn't keep my promise. And till today; if you mention Ramoji Film city; she has only one thing to say. "I never get to go on those rides". And I guess it was a good thing to happen.

14 months in Infosys and I was out. Leaving Infosys was a tormenting decision for me. And yet I somehow consider it as one of the best ones. Nothing against Infosys. It's a great company which took the shareholder's value to next level and leveraged India's reputation as outsourcing hub; but it just isn't the place to be; if you want stimulating work and challenging environment. There is a simple rule you need to know; if you don't come to office feeling dumb because of all the smart people around you; then you are not learning enough or using your potential to it's peak. To be somewhere you have to be in a place; where you feel outsmarted and dumb. That is the truth. And so; that wasn't a place to be for me.

I also spent several years living with Yatesh. He is a meticulous person with an aim and a plan. I am quite the opposite; but we get along very well. I specifically remember the Goa Trip we made. One helluva trip. We were just lazing around in bed on a lazy weekend; he asked so where do you want to go. (In context, movie, lunch or what?). I said Goa. We had some crazy exchange of glance and 2 hours we were on road all packed and ready. It was a 12 -14 hour drive. With a overnight stop at Hubli; we cruised our way through some really picturesque landscape directly onto Goa beach next morning 10 o clock. And thus our drinking spree began. It was out of this world. One of the greatest and most random trip that I ever did. Life Changing.

My next company was Tavant. It was crazy the way I was recruited after months of wait; but it was eventually worth it. Right on the first day; I came out of the culture of 40 thousand people. It was a small office; with just the right culture. You had to be on your toes. you didn't have crowd to compete; you had brains to race against and thats what instigated me to strive day after day. Radina and Sabeeha were the only friends from Infosys I stayed in touch with; everyone else; decided it was time to revamp their social networks!

By this time I effectively had a small social circle and more focused professional life. I did lot of things to start with in Tavant; but my real and first love came with Thermoking. I may do whatever in my life; but that project will always be close to my heart. I had some excellent people to work with. I did night outs after night outs. Myself, Vamshi Krishna Gunda in dev and Manjunath Nandkumar in QA. It was best stint ever, at anything. It gave me so much of self confidence and morale boost that I just cannot express. Everyday was a challange and I came office everyday with so much energy. In fact I remember days when in morning I just couldn't sleep because I felt like going to office.

I have very often walked in on 4th floor of brigade court at 6:30 am. The eerie darkness and the absolute silence is just on the contrary of how floor looks by the day end; but it gave my head such a weird kind of calmness. It just let me feel; I was in control. It was amazing. really.

On the other hand; I had absolutely wild times in Purple Haze with Monik and other friends. There were times; where we would walk down in a sunny afternoon of a working day; roll down some shots and come back to office with tripled zest and vigor and resume our world conquest. Purple Haze and Brigade court terrace at midnight were stimulating peaks of mental retreat.

Thermoking also gave me an opportunity to explore Ireland for few days. Until I randomly decided to cut the trip short and come back sooner than planned. Things you do in life. But I guess; all for good reasons.

I had a streaks of projects thereafter, Club Car and Hussmann. Both of them with so much of challenge and so much to learn. During there 5 years; I worked with some of the most hard working and smart people I have known. By the end of these years; I had made so many amazing friends. The lines of hierarchy were just lost in the starting years. Prashant, Ramalaksmi, Chida, Smita, Manju, Alokesh, Monik.. these are just to name a few.

I spent few months in US, and I spent years gossiping in Tavant cafeteria. Mostly cribbing. The sessions with Chida, Manju, smita and Ramalakshmi were unsurpassable. I was so comfortable in my surroundings that thought of leaving was kind of alien to me. But eventually things come to an end for reasons good or bad.

And here I am now; an employee of Thoughtworks. I have come to respect the culture, people and brand of Thoughtworks so much; that even though, now that I am an employee I am still awed by so many things it represents. Primary one being the "social responsibility". The effort it takes to ensure that all that it does in this world; is for good. I actually feel out-witted by the talent that is present all around me. I am really happy to be where I am today; and I hope I make best of this oppurtunity.

Now that the time has come to move from Bangalore; where I have spent 1/3 of my life till now; the thing that hurts most is that even after so many years; there really aren't too many people to say good bye to. But yes, Bangalore has been a city that made me grow up and taught me all the things I needed to know about growing up. It's been a splendid ride of 9 and half years and I hope that wherever I maybe; I always remember the time I spent in this city and all the people I met here.

Sometimes, when you walk away after years of learning and living; heart is heavier than the luggage and that's how it is for me right now.

Here is a cheer to a city; that gave it all. Namma Benguluru. (Ninage Kannada Gottu)

Stillborn.

Condensed water droplets on the outside of the window didn't plan for a trip back with me. As the flight started to make it's getaway on the gloomy runway; droplets raced back downwards. It was an amazing sight on the window, so many lines of otiose existence racing for their destiny.

But it wasn't only those droplets that I left behind on my trip. Half of everything that I am made up of; got lost somewhere in the city, while braving it's eccentricities. A heavy heart cannot be outweighed by anything but the deed that it is destined to do. I tried to picture everything in front of my eyes and realize how my life is going to change; but what I just couldn't get out of my head was, that while "those otiose droplets" still fought for their destiny; I just gave in to the reality.

It was the title of this blog that was revolving around in my head. Stillborn. A baby that has departed from this world before it could open his eyes to see it. And yet, irony is, that it is there. It just made it and then it didn't.

Stillborn does not represent a failed effort, or a wasted effort of 9 months. In fact 9 months is barely a concern. What it represents is the demise of all the eternal long dreams that you build since it's conceiving. It represents the nucleus of everything you did in those 9 months. It represents the irony, that you made it. Almost. What makes it heart wrenchingly sad is the fact, that you were too close to believe it. All that it leaves behind is flummoxed senses trying to sop up your grief and then suddenly intensifying it. It's a feeling that you cannot explain. It comes as close to dying as it could; and yet being alive in just a non-existent way.

On a different note, the problem in talking to wise men is that, they make you see the side, you knew existed, but didn't want to see. I hate when that happens. Not only it instills rational thought and reality in your cogitating mind; but it also draw up the boundaries that you didn't know existed. Or at least you didn't honor. It kills the will and determination to do the impossible. It makes you believe that you are like everyone else. Mediocre.

I just hate the fact, that someone convinced me successfully that I cannot succeed even before I started. But in my defense, if it was only up to me; there would not be any stopping. It's just that sometimes love works against love and there is nothing more racking than giving up your dream for a misconceived notion of contentment.

The eternal question for me now is, either to savor the best that I have ever had and live with it's eternal memory or go all the way; but with a trade off that I'll just ruin everything.

I know I am alone in it now; but what needs to be done, should be done. Some people say, it is this step that will differentiate you as you embark on a journey of manhood from being a boy. But I say, now, there is no journey. There is just a ticking clock, me and a stillborn; who just made it and yet it didn't.

~ To those, who never understood it, and will never do.

While I am laying dead.

Some days are harder to wake up to. You get up with that soggy feeling and mucky eyes; you know the moment you look at ceiling that, thats not the color you wanted to start your day with. The condensed vapor on mirror after morning bath obfuscates any elucidation that you might have had while stepping off from bed. Complacent with life; you step out on soft dry door mat with a urge in head; "How can I get past this one?". But there is never any answer because in the real life; where you need food to survive; ticks of clocks are rigid and fixed. All you can do is stare into something; anything or everything while it passes you by or worse yet, waits indefinitely.

Anyway, I have those days much too frequently now. I have no ambition; no aim and no plan. It's hard to make a man happy who doesn't have an ambition in life; because no matter where he is at or what he has; he is still missing something.

One day I get up with this morbid feeling and the ultimate question and other day I am standing under a shower before I leave home to battle the world. And the days when it isn't so; the ultimate question that I carry with me is "Whats the point of...?". Funny part is; all this question ever needs is a suffix. My instantaneous replies to all requests and question constitute of an answered question starting with "Whats the point of...?"
"Whats the point of all this work man?" and then it moves on to
"Whats the point of all this money?" (To which a more common tart and sarcastic reply that I have often heard from my girlfriend is "Where is all this money that you keep mentioning, I just don't see it." and we laugh it away.)

Anyway, point of all this clamant palavering is, that I am not content. I think for sometime now after long time in my life I hate everything. I have become unsocial. Completely. And I am craving for a liquor sodden week and some solitary! The worst that I have not mentioned is that I just can't seem to make up my mind. About absolutely anything. I mean if I had to decide if I'd like my noodles crispy or soft; I'll just look at the people on the table and ask them; cause although I seem not to care; the bitter reality I can decide.

I had to try so hard to get myself to write a blog because I haven't written one in a long time; but I have no idea what to write about. I am continuously listening to "The Weepies" and I am thinking of a friend whom I am suppose to call and I haven't for 3 weeks now. I think I am just exhausted or maybe thats just another excuse.

My problem is that I just want to pretend to be dead; just like a bird that kept hitting a glass pane again and again, because the stupid physics won't let her out. Only difference between that bird and myself is that for her giving up was not an option; for me I have conveniently chosen that to be so. I think I just want to lay dead for a while now; until some miracle magically resurrects me. And biggest irony about that is, Life wants me to be on my feet right now and that is exactly what keeps killing me.

Well, I still believe "Life's so called atrocities" are just an excuse for laziness and weak determination; cause if you want something you'll get it.

While I have managed to blabber so much and for so long; to end it in perfect harmony here is a small dedication to all those people who feel exactly the same right now.

My Excuse
I am sitting here in a red ferrari
and in front of me, wide open road
but the reason I am moving so slow is
because there is a darn speed limit board!!

Life IS Black and White.

History has been made, and this time it isn't vibrant; instead it's monochrome.
For the first time in history Barack Hussein Obama, a black by race, has been elected as a president of the most powerful country in the world. He has surpassed the conventions of society and expectations of critics. He's come out unanimous and inviolable winner in US elections 2009.

Yet; no matter how his victory may be limned as a triumph of humanity over race and color; I strongly disagree. From where I stand it's a joke in face of "racial discrimination". And before I go on elaborating my point; let me explain what is racial discrimination or racism.

Racism/Racial Discrimination: The prejudice that members of one race are intrinsically superior to members of other races OR Discriminatory behavior towards members of another race.

One thing that must be noticed is that it doesn't say anywhere in it's definition word "Majority". It doesn't say that racial discrimination is so; only if an individual belonging to majority does it. It isn't liable to ONLY incriminate or inculpate a person from a larger clan.

Over all these years fuss has been made and issues has been raised that blacks have been treated unfairly and as an unprivileged minority. Without digressing too much I would very willfully accept that it is truth in it's entirety and there is nothing to question to this argument.

But while decrees are being laid down to keep a check on behavior of "white/colored people" to ensure everyone has a fair-share of world/society; are we ensuring that it's not a issue between majority and minority? Are there any steps being taken in ensuring that enforcement is mutual?

Take the outline of elections' statistics:

• 45% of white people in united states voted for Barack Obama!
  
• 95% of blacks voted for barack obama.
  

What does it tell you? I think there are at least 45% "white" people who are not bounded by limited thinking of creed and color. However there are ONLY 5% of black people who fall in same group. Considering that blacks are minority; we must realize that 5% given in point 2 is exponentially less than 45% in stat-1.

So what do we see here? A pattern which shows reverse racial discrimination. Some people may try to justify it as a requisite grouping for a minority to survive; it still is what it is. While we protect the hunted we must also ensure that hunter doesn't become the hunted in the cycle. Obama's win is not a win over petty idea of racism; instead it's just that; petty-racism. Only change that has happened this time is that effects have reversed.

While we must fight and stand up for our rights; our reasoning and thinking should not get so convoluted as to pretermit the "right and wrong". If we want to be a truly diverse society without any internal differences; we must identify the coarse soul that lies underneath each of us. Instead of relying on our prejudice and sympathy for self; we must learn to accept and appreciate the difference that a soul is born with.

A leader doesn't have a color. A nation doesn't have a color. And rejoicing about electing a BLACK president doesn't symbolize a win of humanity over social iniquities; instead it just exemplifies the fact that "We are Still thinking about it". We would reach the pinnacle of Immunity from the evil of racism when a president is selected and headlines cite his color not as a triumph; but as a fact. Because for now, somewhere still we believe in an unvisited corner of our heart that "world IS black and white".

Rahu Ketu and Me.

Standing on a highway stop I wondered if air conditioning in bus was my biggest problem. It was a chilling dusk time and I wrapped myself up in my arms; since I had failed miserably in gauging the need for an extra sheet to cover myself up during journey. While I was still doing OK; I was worried about the endurance and audacity that I would need to survive the night right under the chilling blower; once I boarded back the bus. Unfortunate as it was; the air conditioning blower was broken right above my head and with it's magnificently contrived efficiency it planned to send a gush of spine chilling cold air right on my head relentlessly. And I could not stop it.

Rumination around chilling night ahead was broken off by my ringing cell phone. My mom was on the line with a note of sheer urgency in her voice. It was "Rahu" and "Ketu" this time. And while she filled me in with details of this new come vexing problem; I think I heard my inner self resonate in my head "Oh! Not again!"

While my mom is an ardent believer and follower of Indian astrology; I am ready to challenge the notions and idealogy any time. All these years I have always fallen in line with whimsical request made by my mom to don the glittering gems on finger and neck (even though it has questioned my masculanity yet again and again). The worst part is not only they come for a fortune they leave a sore abrasion on skin. I simple hate the idea.

And I don't know if it was actually my absent mindedness or if it was my loathsome attitude; but I managed to loose all of them at one point of time or another until I was devoid of any. And having done that deed my rapture of delight was immense.

Anyway; with the latest development it seemed that she had given my astrological documents into very capable hands this time and as my fate would have it; the result of analysis were not very pretty. It said that I am going to be defamed with an absolute malicious intent for stealing something or for having done something gravely wrong. I suggested "stealing heart of some girls" was one theory which would fit in without any dreadful consequences; she snorted repeatedly to indicate that timing of my joke was not in line with her perspective. And the whole reason why this was going to happen was because ominous "Rahu" and "Ketu" were kind enough to give me a visit in one of my houses. (Well by house I mean astrological house, as term houses could just end you up in delusions of my financial standing. Which is yet one another thing I'll find a blog to gripe about )

So when I got some time today morning; I got up and opened up Wikipedia to uncover the theories and mythological scriptures behind their existence. Here is something little that I found.
Another reference to some layman literature would be this.

Well whatever said and done; it seems like that:

• First of all they are not someone we would be expected to regard very highly. As they possess daemon characteristics.
  
• They are bunch/pair of half dead guys who are not sure what they want in life. The online text claims dead half is happy and virtuous while the alive half is lucky head; which was sawed off from body at the prime moment of his life. What ironical luck!
  
• They are usually more concerned about eating up Moon and Sun causing eclipse; which sounds really funny; because I have been wondering if thats what they live for; what would their routine life be like?
  

Apart from those musing here are some questions that anarchically popped up in my head.

• Why does bad guys/entities get a ugly depiction in mythology. This whole convention has gotten the society coming up with wrong notions about physical appearance. I agree; that often bad guys may get beauteous avatars in mythology; but a divine character is always has a radiating physique and built? I wonder if that was true; why did they ever said "Everything that glitters is not gold".
  
• Is destiny and fate merely options for those who are too lax to define their own life or it's something that has been thrusted on everyone's life?
  
• In situations where the beliefs of a loved one do not adhere to reality and science do we defy them and move ahead or we just fall in line; for the sake of their happiness? In prime of life; it would not be an option to alter the beliefs until and unless a person is open to it.
  

That ominous day when the news was broken to me on my journey back; rest of my travel was spent in formulating theories; hypothesizing situations and rejecting notions which are often held by elderly who refuse to move along in time. Well; I haven't taken a decision as yet as to whether I'll once again give in to my mother's recurring pleas and get a set of expensive crap bound to my finger again for her content or I'll walk the other way this time.

Probably somewhere inside I am scared that with all these years of molding in an environment like this; it won't be far when I'll stop challenging these theories myself if I do this now. But one thing I am sure of that if life is screwed up RIGHT now then it's not because some half dead immortal zombies have devoted enough time and resources on me to make it miserable; instead a more plausible explanation is that I am letting things go out of control more often that I usually do.

Worst come; I'll attribute it to the mid-20 crises but as long as I am not dead; Rahu and Ketu can kiss the chariots they ride on and stay happy; because I don't think they control my life. That is my job and THAT I can do well.

Hey but I gotta admit; Rahu-Ketu did solve my air conditioning problem; as that was least of my problems for rest of the journey!!

Everyone deserves some "Change"

Image Courtsy

Today, I sold my guilt and 5 bucks for some perspective in return. Truth is, it happens everyday of my life; it's just that today is "Sunday" and it's a day of realizations.

I was sick of drab and lull air that engulfed my "living room". And though usually I overcome my athletic inclinations of any kind very quickly with inherent laziness; for a change I decided to go along with it today. I'm not a man of plan who believes in contemplations and contrived actions; so it wasn't a surprise when I started off in my car without any clue about my destination.

Idea was to feel some fresh air and lighten up my spirit with serene view. Unfortunate as it is; such a sight is an uncommon experience in a city I live in; so I just chose to move along with traffic.

I usually drive with windows down; as nothing feels better than a gush of cool breeze on face ruffling your hair and mellow music in background strumming on the strings from the past in your head. But in certain areas of city; pollution and smoke level is unbearable; owing to stagnant traffic and obstinate morons who refuse to kill the revving engines on red lights. So when I reached one such junction; I wondered how does a Traffic Cop survives intense pollution throughout the day. How does he ensures that while he is trying to do a public service (irrespective of how slandered his profession and ethics are); he himself doesnt fall prey to terminal illness which is never far from continuous exposure of black soot.

And while I was still reckoning the professional hazards of a simple man and trying to decide whether I should draw my window up to block the smoke; I noticed in rear view a feeble figure limping towards my still open window.

It doesn't take special skills to identify a beggar on a street. He was an old man in his 80s; limping with one stick; overgrown shabby hair tied into a crude pony. Scantily clad; his frowned forehead was no less than a highway billboard which screamed of bitter reality and a miserable life. It doesn't take a genius to read that; but it takes a frigid heart to overlook.

Although he hobbled by a small step at a time, he was noticeably close to my window. Music was blaring; overtly loud; and it almost seemed rude to be exhibiting opulence there, on the other hand, toning down the volume at that moment felt awkward. I didn't know what to do! I wanted to pull up the windows and look onto the other side. But I sat spellbound trying to decipher story of his life. Eventually he reached the spot and moment which I dreaded for those few seconds. He asked me for some change. I fumbled around and I found a 5 bucks coin lying in my wallet. It wasn't a value I'd usually contribute but I had no choice, that was the only coin I had; I was suddenly neck deep in guilt. I don't know why I felt guilty. I did not contribute to his condition and in a very non-moral way his life and condition is not a concern or a liability to me. And yet I sat there ashamed of being more privileged and happy in life.

With my contribution 2-5 times greater than usual helping; he was ecstatic with the sudden luck that life had bestowed upon him. He murmured several verses of blessings and strode off with his renewed confidence in humanity.

Once he left and I tried to recapitulate in my head; what really happened in those few minutes. Above of all, I tried to understand that why did I resist inside to give that coin to him. Throughout the evening I spent 500 bucks but not for a moment did I mull over the amount as much as I did for that coin. Probably because; while everyone gave me something for my money; that beggar had nothing to offer. Or at least I thought so. I shook away my guilt when I handed over that insignificant coin. As if; I have justified my existence by that peanut contribution.

It was only later when my meandering chain of thought made me realize that; that old man sold to me something that people won't get even if they spent fortune of lifetime. He sold me some "real perspective" for just as less as "5 bucks".

While he is the one who asked for "change"; it's me who was really on the receiving end. It's me who ended up getting the "change" he deserves. On a dull Sunday evening of my soporific life; I learned something that I'll probably remember.

For a person who trots on a highway junction; where world comes to a momentary standstill, pollution is not a concern. To find his daily bread, he yearningly stares back into loathsome eyes of people who are too fretted with petty musings of life. And frail and feeble that he is; biggest irony of his life is that if he doesn't make it to that single piece of bread today; he will not have strength left to find one for the next day. And that is "perspective".

While we ride away on our plush lifestyles when light turns green; we must remember that he is a part of society we live in and brag about. So if we can't give him the change that he deserves, we should at least give him the change he asks for.

If I had to sell myself

In exhilarating hour past midnight I am coiling up here in an uncomfortable Yogic stance in a secluded corner of my bed hitting Google search results one after the other. My vagrant instincts has taken up an exceedingly irksome task of finding basic difference between "Marketing" and "Advertising". Well; I know thrilling as it sounds; the final and inviolable intention is to conduct an experiment and to cross verify that how well the idea has seeped down through my lipid head into the brain.

My superfluous nature often keeps me off these electrifying grounds of business and market research as I have no more interest in it; than that of a Pigeon in his droppings. However, there is this idea which has been resonating inside my head for sometime now. In last awards ceremony of my organization; a question was simply put to management; "Why don't we focus more on advertising?". And answer was as expected; that being a relatively small firm we do not have sufficient funds to erect up billboards and distribute printed media. Moreover I don't think that would even serve the purpose.

Anyway, while that question was being asked; I had an epiphany and three things suddenly came rushing to my head:

1. Being a SaaS (Software as a Service) company; are billboards and public prints really the pertinent media of advertising we should go for? Especially when we target a very concentrated market and a specific segment of domain?
   
2. If whole purpose of advertising and marketing is to tell people that you exist and what your capabilities are; what is the best way for a organization like us to go into market and show case your brains and brawns without having to pay gold chests as the incurred cost.
   
3. What if we spearhead a new concept called "The Zero Marketing" or "The Zero Advertising". And that in no way relates to much infamous "e-mail spamming" and "pop up or push" advertisement which are slapped into the face of a consumer without choice or voice.
   

Anyway, before I delve into the details as to how I loitered inside my head day after day to find answers; let me summarize what I understand from Marketing and Advertising.

1. Advertising: It is an act (often desperate) to let world know you exist. It is at not neccessarily targeted ONLY at potential clients; instead it's an effort to build a brand or a public image; because at the end of the day you don't need only good clients; but also smart people to work with those clients. After all improvising with few good people is something that will not work forever.

2. Marketing: While advertising is a field in itself; it's only a small part of Marketing. Marketing is a more focused effort of leveraging your brand equity within a target group of people. And more than often they are your potential clients. Apart from advertising, marketing constitutes of multiple sub sections like market research, market understanding, market acceptance, demand etc.

Now that we have a skeletol layout of the "BIG TWO" in front of us; I'll tell you what did I really land onto in terms of answering my questions:

Q1 :: Justification for billboards and printed media for SaaS company.
A1 :: "Customer is always right". While this may be true what should really be noted is that he is as important as an employee; but not more. Because what you really have to know is that while a good employee can generate business and customers; a good customer cannot generate a good employee by itself. So while "Customer is never wrong", you need people who live by that rule. And good people will not come and join you because your name is in bold orange which glows in night; but they'll join you because that glow has a brand associated with it. So even if a SaaS company focalizes on a core section of specific market; it's beneficial to have a public brand; because it attracts talent. Just for the same reason why half of the world is interested in joining Google; while 1/2 of those may not even understand that Google's core business. (That would include me to an extent). So although it would actually be good if we did have billboards; I guess size does matter.

Q2 :: Best way to advertise and market without incurring high cost.
A2 :: World where we live in today; people are more concerned about the paper news is printed on; than news itself. And with advent and deep penetration of friendly consumer technology; no one is too far from internet. While at one point of time "word of mouth" was considered as backbone of advertisement in local topography; today it has been replaced by forwarded e-mails, blogs, discussion forums, groups and unmissable social networking websites. These serve dual purpose in a life of a much proclaimed and hyped software engineering and other technology related profession:

• Kill time while you also inculcate and nurture talents inside you.
  
• Develop a people network; which although may not be as effective as traditional; will still serve you well.
  

But that is not the context of the question. Coming back to that; the premise that I wanted to setup was that with latest technological advancements the advertising and marketing media is changing radically. While at one point of time; colorful label was viewed as an apt candidate to lure and entice general consumer; today's competitive world has made some serious advancements. Now people long for "innovation". Same colors that sky rocketed your sales graph fail to generate even slight fluctuations. "Distinguishing" or "Differentiating" factor is taken seriously more than ever before. And advertising has shed it's traditional form. Today being associated with something or anything which is more innovative or singular is valued more than anything else. To promote yourself you need to create something that "promotes itself".

Idea is simple; even as a SaaS company; if you can come up with an idea tomorrow which employs the power of technological world and is available for world to view and taste for free; it'll promote itself and more importantly you; if you can just hit it right on idea's "singularity" point. With the sound of it; it may look like a tough nut to crack; but it really isnt' so. It's all about the idea. And my personal favorite category is "Flash Advertisements". Here is an example:
Rajini - Boss ka Boss
Notice, how they have added a clip towards the end; so that a consumer waits through the actual advertisement to get a glimpse of their favorite character yet one more time.

So it's really the idea that drives a online marketing and advertising effort and not the cost. More ingenious an idea; lesser it'll hit your pockets.

Q3 :: Zero cost Marketing/Advertising.
A3 :: This is something that I think; I'll sleep on tonight and will reflect upon in one of my other posts. It is going to be something interesting. And it would also depend on my latest efforts to promote my own blog. Let see how this experiment tunrs out. If you are interested keep tuned in.

Well, so much for business jargon in middle of the night. I wonder where are these crazy personal tendencies of mine are headed to. Hopefully towards some greater good.

Love should come with a "Disclaimer"

Image Courtesy: Barca-q8

"All the good things in life are free". Whoever said that; probably didn't love too many and too much. Here is a perpetual truth to elucidate the minds of my prudent friends who have been living by this saying till now. NO, most of the good things in life are NOT free. And maven that you are; if your rapid counter-arguments are "Love and Happiness"; then let me tell you that happiness will probably not stick by your side for long if your spirit is the one, that is heavier than your wallet. On the other hand love and affection comes for free, only from a wet Dog looking for a warm cuddle. And considering the radical marketing that dogs get in TV commercials these days; I doubt if you'll even get a unpopular breed for about $500. That too when you don't get me started on the price tags of Dog food and flea removers.

Now that I have your eyes and ears on truth; please know that Love is in all probability, by far, the most expensive luxury you can afford. I know masses won't agree; but at the end of the day reality is that oodles don't have love; it's a prerogative of the select few. Love is like a 30 days trial software; it's ushered into your life by luck or will (most often by a wretched specie called friends); you make best of it in 30 days and before you can think or blink you are hung up on it. While hugs and passionate kisses, all come flying at you in trial period; once reality mode begins a petty gift may only qualify you for as much as a quick peck on the cheek. And as you try to feed your famishing inside to quench it's hunger for love; the "so called love" starts to eat away on your opulence; that you indubitably enjoyed once upon a time.

As rightly said "reality is stranger than fiction", let me tell you once again that this is not even the beginning of "worse" that you are going to see. As the norms would have it; all things including kickshaws that are paid for, are shipped and sold with their respective trade-offs, shortcomings and most importantly "disclaimers".

Working in warranty vertical of manufacturing; "disclaimer" is one word that is conjugated with my soul. It absolves a trader from the shackles of obligation in case of an uneventful failure of the product, "**if not used as specified". More expensive a product; more stringent and bold are it's clauses and limitations for usage.

Ironical as it is; but there is no disclaimer ever attached with love. There is no guidance, decrees or rules associated. It sounds like a sweet deal; but world that we live in; is used to "DISCLAIMERS" my friend. With the absence of disclaimers you trip over the line and before you know you are so far ahead from where you should be. So until we have "time machines" to undo the deeds that have been done; we shall rely on plain old disclaimers.

And until one is indited for love; most of the meritorious bachelors will forfeit their ambitions to the astute son of Aphrodite. Love is a deception with a charm which subterfuges your sense of reality. Once captivated; it gradually deprives you of your aspirations and dreams; Or so I think. My friends say; it's just the unstoppable nagging of the spouse that drives them crazy.

While half of the world struggles to cave their way into love; rest of the half is trying to shake away the hobbles. And as we stand here on either side; we look up to a resolution which will confine the bloodshed of dreams to only ill-fated.

Until then; like I said before; "Love should come with a Disclaimer".

A Bomb with a religion.

I-pod has taken world by an unprecedented force. And had it not been for the indisputable large scale outcome of Industrial Revolution; some may have termed I-pod as the greatest revolutions of Human Kind. Not that everyone takes the insane scribblings of Wikipedia seriously and so refrain from actually terming I-Pod so; but then you can't alter beliefs; can you? However, I really think that what this world avidly awaits now is a "Bomb with a religion".

No..No..I am not saying it because today is a Friday night; and if I am staying up late writing a blog then I must be incoherent with truth and sopped with liquor! On contrary my flummoxed soberness will actually beat the undisputed atheism of a bomb also; hands down that is.

I have a very noetic belief to reason my argument. You see, a tin box full of volatile chemical combined with piercing shrapnels with an acute and indiscriminating aim; cannot asses or appraise anyone of his religious inclinations. Neither can it make a righteous judgment of his/her character and belief in designated omnipotent authority. So when one actually goes off; it potently shreds the limbs of all beings equally. Which I feel is quite unfair.

To prove my point; you tell me what good is a master who slaughters his own pupils? It would be no more than an ironical fiasco. It would be somewhat analogous to Americans choosing George Bush's administration for third time in a row; we definitely don't want that, do we? So what do we do? We instill a moral and religious police in a bomb; so that now not only human kind; which by the way isn't any human or kind if we go literally; can choose to blow up a city of people, but it can also choose "which people".

I wonder; when God created (if he did at all); all the animals and humans; while he chose to impart each characteristic with varying degree to all species; he gave religion ONLY to us. Or maybe even Dogs have religion but smarter specie that they are; they choose to ignore it (not to mention skin color too).

Whatever said and done; bored with our mundane and soporific lives; while we devise the ingenious ways to get back at humanity because we hate to live in a crowd where we are not one of our own; this world needs a bomb, bearing the morals that this world needs; because if a maker can't make a choice then a bomb must.

Ethereal Rejuvenation

Back from dead; here I am trying to rejuvenate myself from the ashes. Well if you really want me to be poetic; I could compare my self to phoenix! But then are you really up to the task of handling my insistent twaddling? I guess not.

So here it is; crisp and sweet. I am back to blogging and "hopefully" you'll see more of me here.